Thursday, January 27, 2011

Day 20/40

Today's weight was 223.6, down a whole pound from yesterday.

Day 20! I am halfway done!

Today was a very trying day.  I mentioned in yesterday's post how the breakers kept tripping. Well tonight after dinner the main breaker tripped and it stayed off. Not to mention all about the same time my husband's blood sugar took a dive so I was trying to nurse him back to health while in the dark. 

We determined that the main breaker was fried so it would have to be replaced. After my husband bounced back to his normal self, he called the power company to disconnect power from the house so we could have the breaker replaced in the morning. He decided he would take a personal day off work to fix the problem. The breaker would not be a large expense, so we were pretty relieved since things are tight right now financially.

Feeling pretty confident that things would be okay, we made arrangements to stay with my mother-in-law. Did I mention that this was the coldest night that we've had all winter and that our house now has no heat to keep the pipes from freezing? 

So somewhere along the way, between dealing with the crisis and packing for the kids in the dark, I fell apart. I got very emotional and started sobbing. Then I got very angry. So angry that I wanted to punch something. 

I came to the realization through all of this that if I had been eating, I might have turned to food for some kind of comfort during this whole ordeal. But since there is no food, I have had to deal with these intense emotions on my own. I mean, I have to give them to the Lord. Which is what we are supposed to do with them, but so many of us have other coping mechanisms for dealing with crisis that don't involve the Lord, and many of them are very destructive.

This has been a very telling experience for me. I used to be a binge eater, many years ago, before the Lord delivered me. I was not aware that I still had a problem with emotional eating. I know the Lord has helped me, but now I desire complete victory over the matter.  I want the Lord to be my first resource when I'm not doing well, and not my last resort.

We ended up at my in-laws, which was not easy with the difficult driving conditions.  Unfortunately we had more bad news. My husband called work to see if he could get the day off and they refused. Now I was panicking again. But we called our wonderful pastor and he offered to replace the breaker for us.

Sleep was very fitful, since all four of us were sleeping in the living room, but we were all warm and safe for the night.

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